This post is not going to be like my other ones. I’ve said a few times before, sometimes I just want to write – this is one of those times. 2016 is, by far, going to be the most challenging, yet rewarding, year to date. Fonz joined the Marines and left for bootcamp in San Diego a few days ago. He’ll be gone for 13 weeks and we only have letters to stay connected. If you know us in real life, chances are you’re surprised to hear this. Only a small group of people knew he was leaving. If I were to explain how or why he came to this decision, or even offer some sort of explanation as to why he’s doing things in the order he is… it’d be pointless. I’ve explained it one too many times and even after my debriefing, no one gets it completely. Most people don’t get it at all. I have to admit, I’m still in some ways one of those people.
Back in.. November I believe, when Fonz went to go speak to the Marine recruiters, I immediately went into a panic. I knew what this meant. He had spoken about joining the Marines since we first met (over 4 years ago). He has wanted this for a long time, I just never thought he’d act on it. I knew this would mean he’d leave me alone and I’d be that pitied girlfriend. I hated the idea of being a member of a relationship that was rarely complete. I hated the idea that all of my happily-in-love friends got to spend every moment with their significant others, while all I received was pity and letters from my boyfriend thousands of miles away. It made me sick. If you know me well, you can attest that I have always said “I’d never be a military wife.” Well it definitely bit me in the ass! The most awful part of it all is that I really, really love Fonz. Like really love Fonz. So much so that I wholeheartedly chose to be the lonely, pitied girlfriend.
I’ve felt this way since he even mentioned the word “Marines” with a serious tone. But I have to admit, a new light has shone on our situation. About a week or so ago, before he left for boot camp, I found myself with excitement in my heart. While taking a shower before work, I realized I was actually day dreaming of all the places we may live in the future. And all of the fun hobbies I can take up. Or how I can focus all my attention on renovating a house my family owns while he’s in bootcamp. I even may just… work out. Ridiculous, I know. The most exciting day dream I had was about our future together. Fonz and I have already spoken (many, many times) about what we want our future to look like and him joining the military has only been a catalyst towards our goals. We are both so excited about the near future; it’s one of the things that was allowing us to look forward to bootcamp.
Besides my new found fondness for silly hobbies or day dreaming about the future, I also realized another positive: I get to finally force myself to be independent. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had a boyfriend. It wasn’t until the middle of my sophomore year of college was I single and definitely not ready to mingle. I was finally content with just myself and ready to work on my independence. However, about a month into this journey, I met Fonz. Now I can’t help that I met him when I did; things just happen. It was like no other first meeting I’d ever had. I loved him right away; you can ask anyone that knows us. So yet again, my independence was pushed aside. I think God realized Fonz and I weren’t breaking up, so he gave me another opportunity. At least.. that’s my theory. Either that or God heard me say that I would never be a military wife and he’s screwing with me – which may very well be the case, too.
It’s only the beginning of this journey, but I’ve learned a lot already. Some days are better than others, mornings are happier than nights, but every day it gets a little easier. But above all, I have learned I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. I haven’t really had a sad moment since he’s left. I keep trying to figure out, “Why am I not sadder? Why am I not depressed? Shouldn’t I be crying?” The answer to these lingering questions must be a combination of things. I think because I know Fonz is doing something that makes him so happy and has been dreaming about forever. And I know that only good things will come out of this for us and probably also that I get to watch all my shows on Netflix and less of his war documentaries… ha! But really. Besides all that, I have an amazing support system that constantly keeps me from getting any where near sadness. I don’t know how I got so lucky with all my loving friends, amazing co-workers (actually, they’re more of friends than co-workers), and a supportive family… that includes Fonz’s family, as well. I am immensely grateful for them.
More than anything – I am especially grateful to have a guy who makes it all worthwhile. Yes, a little part of me wants to strangle him for throwing us this curveball, but every bit of me is incredibly proud of him. While he’s showing his courage and bravery, I get to show mine as well. He also kicked our long term plan into gear, which I’m pretty excited about! ;)
If you got this far down on the post, I commend you. Sometimes it’s just necessary to get it all out, even if it’s just for yourself. Oh yea, one more thing: Fonz was my photographer, soooo… blogging may be a bit difficult haha. He left me all his cameras and computers, so I’m thinking Amanda and I are going to have to become photography experts ASAP. Ha! Until next time ♥